Religious and OCD are not two words that people would often put together. But it is something that exists. When we think of OCD people often think of the more common traits, of hand washing, counting and compulsive cleaning. However, there is in fact a whole broader scope to OCD that people don’t often know of.
Religious OCD is actually something that I myself struggle with. Something I really did not understand and could not grapple with until I was educated on it. And the more that I am learning, the more at peace I feel with the realisation that I now know properly what I am dealing with. It’s only now that I am finally realising, I am not just crazy- this is an actual thing. And it is something that I am still trying to navigate, and getting better at doing (I think). So, if reading this, you think that this is something that you can relate to or even just the general descriptions related to OCD- know that you are not alone.
What is it?
Religious OCD also known as scrupulosity, by definition, is a type of OCD that causes people to obsess over spiritual fears. This can include, but is not limited to, having fears of being sent to hell and being punished by God, or repeating certain behaviours obsessively to feel better and reduce anxiety.
Obsessions are specific persistent negative thoughts that you are unable to get rid of. These can become extremely debilitating and can be difficult to ignore. Some examples can include, ‘I am going to hell’ or ‘I am not doing enough of what my faith requires’.
Compulsions on the other hand, are behaviours that we may engage in in order to “free” ourselves of these thoughts. I say “free” as we cannot ever escape using compulsions because they trap us in an unhealthy cycle and only induce temporary relief from anxiety. This can include constantly seeking reassurance for our actions by people we perceive to be of higher religious status, or obsessive praying or repeating mantras.
What causes it?
In a simplified sense, religious OCD like all OCD is arguably related to an imbalance of the hormone serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is implicated in a lot of brain functions ranging from mood to anxiety and is thought to be closely linked to OCD.
Religious OCD can have debilitating implications on people’s lives- something that not many people are aware of.
Some of the implications of religious OCD are as follows:
- Guilt and shame.
- Religion becoming a trigger for anxiety rather than a form of comfort.
- Further manifestation in other forms of OCD.
- Feeling isolated and feeling that no one else understands.
- Ruining relationships with other people.
- Work or studies becoming affected.
As well as many other people, I am sure, these are all things that have directly affected me. Religious OCD has been a trigger for many other mental health difficulties and the lack of understanding about what exactly it was that I was struggling with made things 10x worse. I would frequently have thoughts such as ‘you’re going to hell’, ‘you’re a bad person’ and nothing that I could ever do would be good enough nor would it make the thoughts stop. It came to a point where a lot of my ‘religious’ behaviour was not in fact for God or for my faith, but out of fear. And that is not the purpose of religion. It has taken until now, with me finally learning about this, to actually understand that a lot of my behaviours have been compulsions. For example, when praying I would require myself to pray with enough ‘focus’ to the point that I felt a headache because only then was I “properly connecting with God” . Every single one of my actions would come with intense overthinking about whether I was doing the right thing, and require justification to myself for whether or not something is okay- whether it was God influencing me or I was being tricked by the devil. Just writing this now, makes me see how clearly this is an issue and yet I’ve gone on for so long thinking this is normal.
Although this is so embarrassing to share, I think it’s important for people to know. This is only scratching the surface at some of my day to day experiences and yet you can already see how unhealthy it is. Even if it is not OCD that you’re struggling with, take a moment to look at your behaviour- even write it down if necessary. See whether looking at it objectively, if those behaviours are healthy. If not, like me, it’s time to make a change. We cannot go on living with unhealthy behaviours because they are detrimental to our mental health and wellbeing.
Remember that whatever it is you’re dealing with, this or something different, you are not alone. You are never alone in your struggles- there are always people to help and people that can relate. For religious OCD, something I would think was so uncommon up to % of OCD sufferers can actually experience it.
An important point to note is that seeking treatment, or acknowledging that this is a problem does not mean that you are denouncing your religion. It is not your religious values that you are seeking to remove, but the inaccurate obsessions and compulsions with have latched on to you- which just happen to based upon religion. If anything, in my opinion, you are taking the necessary steps to bring you back to the heart of your faith. Because faith is not rooted in fear, but in hope. And so doing what you can to help yourself, and truly work towards making yourself feel better will only bring you closer to the true essence of your faith.
If you want to just begin by helping yourself. A good starting point would be to notice when you may have obsessive thoughts and note them down during the day. Also, try to identify when you feel yourself engaging in compulsive behaviour and also briefly note them down. This is a first step in identify your behaviour. Then, at the end of the week- sit down with these in front of you and decide how you are going to tackle them. For the thoughts, perhaps try writing down alternative versions. For example, instead of ‘I am going to hell’ you could write- ‘I am unaware of what will happen but I will do what I can to make it positive”. This will get you into an active habit of changing your thoughts.
For the compulsive behaviour, once you have identified it you can create a list of steps which you can use to reduce the intensity of the behaviour. For example, if you noticed that you repeat a certain action several times to reduce your anxiety- make an aim to reduce the number of times weekly. You could go from doing It 25 times to 15, to 10 etc. This way you can slowly ease away from the behaviour.
There are several other ways to seek help, from psychological treatment to medication that can be provided by speaking to your doctor- or both in combination. Faith based therapy can also be provided, information is readily available online.
If you found this article enlightening or interesting and would like to read other articles like this then please let me know in the comments or message me directly- I would appreciate it the feedback.
Originally published at https://www.zenwords.org on January 15, 2021.
